The Hilarious Madness Of Steven Wright

The say there is a fine line between greatness and utter madness. If Steven Wright is any indication, the line is getting blurred as his form of comedy is legendary for its uniqueness and, in many cases, bizarreness.

Who is Steven Wright? He is a sublime comedian who has to be seen to be enjoyed. He once did an HBO special in a cardboard refrigerator box for two people which should tell you everything you need to know. If not, here are some of his quips on life.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, "Here, you can go."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

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Aazdak Alisimo writes for FunnyQuotesDaily.com, where you can get free funny quotes updated each and every day of the year.

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