Quotes To Make You Laugh

In a rut? Grumbling about all the nonsense in your life? Switch to decaf and lighten up a bit. Easier said then done, eh? Well, give these jokes and quotes a read. They should do the trick.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

2. Paul Ehrlich - To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. W.C. Fields - was a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.

5. Dave Attell - Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people the cops. But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

6. Steven Wright - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected.

9. Groucho Marx - She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Winston Churchill - A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

12. Jay Leno - Al Gore has found a new job - teach journalism at Columbia University. Ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.

13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.

14. Dave Attell - Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

15. Steven Wright - Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

If life is getting you down, fight back. Read a joke or funny saying each day. Even on the worst of days, it will provide you with a little glimmer of relief. A laugh a day keeps the mental institution away!

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