A Day In The Life Of A Pair Of Designer Flip Flops

I awake. The sun has risen yet another day for me, reflecting glorious rays of light off my bejeweled straps, because I am fabulous. I am footwear.

Time to get up and walk the dog. Such a scuff for designer flip flops to have to face a veritable mine field everyday. Oh, how foul! Someone better scrape this off of me immediately, or there will be hell to pay.

Thank God. That smell was about to make me yark. Now, time for the important activity of the day. No, not work. Are you insane? I¡¯m talking about shopping. Duh. What shoe box did you just fall out of? (That¡¯s a little shoe humor, for your 411.)

Hmm, she¡¯s wearing that sun dress with the green and purple floral print. Can we say tacky? I can¡¯t believe I have to walk down the street with that thing. Hope I don¡¯t run into that fine pair of wing tips. How embarrassing would that be? You always run into someone hot when you¡¯re looking your worst. Maybe my fabulously embellished flip flops splendor will be made to look even more ravishing by comparison. One can only hope.

Uh, here comes that espadrille that thinks she¡¯s all that. Remember just to smile and keep walking. After all, she¡¯ll never be more than just a piece of heel to the boys. Does she even comprehend how demanding it is to be fabulous?

Look at this jerk with the, "I heart thongs" T-shirt. I find that personally insulting. No, wait. I¡¯m totally flattered. I love me too! A man who can appreciate a fine pair of designer flip flops is my kind of man.

Oh look. Eddie got some new aglets put on the ends of his laces. Looking sharp, my friend. Those must have cost a small fortune. Alas, the price we must pay to look good.

Man, I am spent from shopping. Time for dinner and a little R and R. She's changing into jeans and a halter top. Slight improvement. She better appreciate that I'm versatile. Quick look in the mirror before we run out the door. Say, mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the most gloriously embellished flip flops of all? What's that you say? Me? Oh, you're too kind. Then again, is it really a matter of kindness? Or just plain truth?

Oh...my...God! Who is this mongoloid she calls a date? Gee, would you like a little toenail fungus with your coq au vin? This guy can give you a hearty helping. And is that gum on the bottom of his kicks? Classy. We just couldn't have had dinner with the wing tips. No. That might have actually been enjoyable. Hey, is the main course served with a side of self-flagellation, by chance? Because I think that would complete the rest of the meal perfectly.

Home, at last. I can finally have a break from little miss sun dress. And besides, sexy flip flops need their beauty rest. Night, night!

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Written by Kacy Suther. Stacie Bass makes designer flip flops and sexy flip flops for today's modern woman. Find their embellished flip flops at www.staciebass.com .

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