10 Step To Helping Your Teen Deal With Peer Pressure

I thought I had seen it all. As a mother of 5, I was used to dealing with a messy house, skinned knees and sibling rivalry. I am sure I could write a book on each of these subjects. While they seemed difficult at the time, I have found recently that they were pretty easy to deal with compared to what I am dealing with now. You see, I now have a teen! When your child is young, almost any problem can be whisked away with a hug and a kiss.

As of a few days ago, I have a teenager! Now the problems are much more difficult. Raising young children is easy. If something goes wrong, all you have to do is give them a few kisses, a quick hug, and maybe a few minutes on mom or dad's lap.

Teenagers face problems like teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, and smoking.

When our children are young, we spend a great deal of time teaching them "right" from "wrong". We hope that someday these lessons will help them make the right decisions. In many cases they will, but as the issues become more complex, right and wrong aren't always so easy to identify. The following ten steps will help you and your teen create a strategy to deal with the issues surrounding peer pressure when they come up.

1. I know who I am: A good portion of your teenage years are spent trying to figure out who you are. If we don't help our teens figure this out, their friends and the TV will. Make sure to spend time helping your teen to visualize and vocalize who they want to be. Then, when it is time to make a decision, have them ask "Does this fit with who I want to be?".

2. We are going where?: Make sure your teen knows what they are getting into before it's too late. If they are unsure about what will happen in a situation, make sure they understand who will be there and what will happen in advance. Many kids get in trouble because they are too embarrassed once they are in a bad situation. It's far safer to know what will be going on before they get in a bad situation.

3. Ask a lot of questions: Make sure your teen knows that they can ask questions of their friends to find out who will be where they will be going and what will be going on there.

4. HELP!!!!: If your teen ever finds himself in a situation he is uncomfortable in, make sure he knows how to get help. Make sure he has a list of several cell phone numbers of friends and family who will drop everything and come get them right then and there. They also need to know that they will never be in trouble with you when they ask to be rescued.

5. Can you say "No!": Telling their friends "no" can be very difficult for your teen. Practice role playing where you are your teen's friend who is trying to get them to do something they shouldn't. Try everything a teen would like "Come on, everyone is doing it", "Don't be a baby", "Are you scared?". Teach your child how to respond to each of these situations

6. Good cop, bad cop: Teens often say that they go along with things they shouldn't because they didn't want to look un-cool. An easy way to let them off the hook is by telling them to make you the bad guy. Simply tell your teen to tell his friends that "I cant, my mom and dad would kill me if I do. It's just not worth it".

7. What is a "real friend": Ask your teen why a good friend would ask them to do something that they were uncomfortable with. Your teen should examine the motives of that "friend". Maybe they really aren't a friend.

8. What is cool?: Ask your teen to make a list of 5 people from the real world that they think are cool. Chances are that they will choose someone from the music or entertainment industry (If the choose you, this is going to be easy). Find out from your teen what about this person is cool. Point out to your teen that these characteristics that your teen thinks are so cool weren't developed by doing what everyone else is doing. Being cool is about doing what you want to do, not following the crowd.

9. Wow, I rock!: Just before my first child was born, I read a quote that said "Nothing your child does today can be worth damaging his sense of self worth". Wow! What a powerful statement. Tell your kids how much you love them, how much you respect them, and how proud you are of them. Try this exercise. Have a neighbor over when your teen is around. Make sure your teen is in earshot and tell your neighbor how great your teen is. Make sure your teen "overhears" you. Make sure your teen gets their sense of self worth from you, not their friends.

10. Its family time: Your teens are going to have a ton of tough choices to make. They best way to help them make the right choices is to give them a strong foundation of love and support. Make sure that you block off time to spend as a family just having fun. It's a great time for your teen who can relax and just be themselves without having to worry about peer pressure.

Raising a teen is tough. They are facing some really difficult issues as are you. You will both make mistakes. Make the mistakes out of love, not pride or stubbornness and always be willing to forgive each other.

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