10 Parenting Tips For Surviving A Divorce

While divorce is a sign of freedom for couples in a bad relationship, it leaves scars on the minds of both partners. Divorce is not a new phenomenon, as many would have us believe. People have been getting into marriage and walking out of it from times immemorial.

Nevertheless, divorce is not something pleasant. It means that two people who had got together, for right or wrong reasons, couldn’t make it work and have come to the point of breaking it up.

Divorce is always sad. That is why even the law gives time for the couple to think it over.

But if you think that divorce is the only option for you, then there is no point looking back to see who was at fault. Instead focus on how to make the best of a bad situation.

No one WANTS to get divorced. But if, for whatever reason, divorce has happened, or is going to happen, then lets at least limit the fallout as much as we can.

Here are some tips on how to reduce the impact of divorce on the kids:

1. Children love both parents. Ideally, you should stick to the marriage for the sake of children, but if it is making everyone unhappy, then it’s best to put an end to it. It’s important to remember you have a responsibility towards your children to provide a loving and caring home with both parents.

But, if your relationship is getting sour, for whatever reason, be honest about it. Deluding yourself or sweeping it under the carpet won’t help. Face it and if you feel the need, ask for help - first for yourself, and then jointly as a couple. Make one more attempt to re-kindle the love you once had.

This does not imply that you should continue in an abusive relationship ‘only for the sake of the children.’ If the reason for divorce is continuing violence, drug abuse, acrimony, and other such things, then the sooner you get out of it the better for all who are affected by it.

2. If you must separate, be grown-up about it. Do your level best to separate amicably. Agree that things are not working out between you and that it is best to separate. Avoid lengthy court battles and custody disputes. Why? They cost you a bunch of money, drag down your emotions, preventing you from moving on with life, and ALWAYS end up with the children picking up the bad vibes and feeling very insecure.

3. Even if the other person is "evil", do NOT engage in a hate campaign against them. That is the parent of your child you are talking about - how would you like it if people spoke about YOUR parents that way? Again, be grown- up and honest with your children. Answer their questions as honestly and dispassionately as you can, reassuring them that YOU are not planning to leave too (that is a very common fear).

4. While it is important to be pleasant, it is not necessary to take the entire blame on yourself and make excuses for the other parent. As I have said earlier, the important thing is to be honest. If the other parent doesn’t turn up at the promised time, your child will feel hurt and perplexed. At this time, you need to attend to her rather than give justifications for his unreliable behavior. Above all, don’t let the child feel that it is her fault that he behaves the way he does or that you separated in the first place.

5. However badly hurt or angry you might be, encourage your children to keep in contact (visits, phone calls, letters) with the other parent for as long as it is a positive experience for them. They need that. However much you might despise your ex, do not poison your child's relationship with him/her.

6. Do NOT use your children as a messenger between two immature adults who cannot even find a way to talk civilly to each other.

7. In case the other parent is really harmful or abusive, protect your child by all means, but make sure your opinion is not based on your prejudices.

8. Joint custody, in which the child spends three days a week in one home and 4 days in the other almost never works. Children need a consistent place to call home, not to be batted back and forth between the two places. But if the other parent really is in a better position (emotinoally, financially, whatever) to look after the kids - then for their sake permit it! (Yes, I know that is hard, but it is time to be grown-up about all of this.) Also, do not try to control the parenting style or rules that your ex uses. You look after the parenting in your house and leave them to look after the parenting in their house.

9. Be sensitive about introducing new boyfriends/ girlfriends into the home. Children will harbor, for a long time, a fantasy that their parents will get back together. Bringing a new lover into the home dashes those hopes and will often result in an angry backlash from them. Understand where they are coming from and take it all slowly.

10. Above all, work on yourself. Learn from the experience, heal from the wounds, and by setting an example teach your children how to overcome a bad situation and turn it into a good one. If it doesn’t kill you, you will come out of it stronger. That’s the lesson your children will learn and have hope instead of despair about human relationships.

You can protect your children from the fallout of your divorce if you handle it in a mature manner. Be calm, sensible and adult about all the issues that concern your children.

As ever, it all comes back to you being the very best parent that you can.

Article Source: http://www.hostcontent.net

Dr. Noel Swanson writes regularly for Yes Parenting website and also has a free newsletter with heaps of expert parenting advice.
This and other unique content parenting articles are available with free reprint rights.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5

Not yet Rated